Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Fifty Shades of Never

With "Fifty Shades of Grey" being released this weekend, I have been racking my brain on what else I can do to boycott this trash.  I recently read a blog post written by @whoasusannah entitled "50 Shades of Nope," and was kind of inspired on what I could do.  Here is the link to the blog post if you want Susannah's insights:

I am not a popular blogger by any means, but I do find enjoyment in blogging - especially when it comes to media.  And though I have not read "Fifty Shades of Grey," I do know that it is the definition of garbage.

Garbage [gahr-bij], n.
--Anything that is contemptibly worthless, inferior, or vile
--Something that is worthless, unimportant, or of poor quality.
(; Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

What I don't understand is why so many people are fawning over this pornographic trash.  As Susannah put it...

"My social media news feeds are crowded with comments from gushing housewives who can't wait to shove malt balls into their mouths while observing some douche bag nugget named Christian Grey tie up a young idiot and do things to her that probably deem an ER visit, Clorox bath, and emotional counseling."

Why are we supporting a such media?  Media that supports misogyny, abuse, BDSM, and erotic "romance."  Just so you all know, this book is the very definition of PORNOGRAPHY.

Anyway, I will stop my rants about this horrid sack of trash, and get to the point.  Here are 50 things I would rather do than ever watch - or read - this distasteful excuse of a love story.

  1. Shave my head.
  2. Re-read "The Hunger Games" (and anyone who knows me knows I loathe this series).
  3. Lick the bathroom tiles at work.
  4. Watch a Teletubbies marathon.
  5. Camp in a small hole, only to have it cave in, and then have to eat dirt for the rest of my life.
  6. Listen to the Jaws theme song on repeat for a month.
  7. Replace my Kleenex with tin foil.
  8. Bathe in my own urine.
  9. Learn how to fold my queen-sized fitted sheet (or any fitted sheet for that matter).
  10. Join Instagram (believe it or not, I have not jumped on this bandwagon - YET).
  11. Wax my eyebrows off.
  12. Ask Justin Beiber for dating advice.
  13. Cut holes in my shirts to look like Regina George.
  14. Wash my face with foot creme.
  15. Eat nothing but onions for a week.
  16. Watch Fashion Police with Kathy Lee Gifford.
  17. Wipe my butt with my bare hands.
  18. Get the flu vaccination.
  19. Let my four (soon to be five) nieces do my makeup for an entire year.
  20. Brush my teeth with pickle juice and then drink a gallon of orange juice.
  21. Carry a boombox around blasting Meghan Trainor's "All About That Bass."
  22. Pull out my eyelashes slowly, and only using a Hot Tweezer Kit.
  23. Never eat another homemade chocolate chip cookie.
  24. Dress up like Wonder Woman and go trick-or-treating.
  25. Sit and watch a video about Gold Mine of Black Heads on Nose.
  26. Eat 50 packets of Taco Bell hot sauce in one sitting.
  27. Sing Christmas songs year-round.
  28. Never be allowed to take another Benadryl or Zyrtec.
  29. Walk barefoot on lava rocks.
  30. Have Kanye West shoot me down at a public event like the Grammy's.
  31. Be stuck using a computer from the 1800's.
  32. Down an entire bottle of Fiber pills in one day.
  33. Stick my finger down my throat, dry heave, and have my face in the toilet for an entire week.
  34. Listen to someone rehearse every single Chuck Norris joke.
  35. Have someone follow me around clinking coconuts together (like in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail").
  36. Retake statistics and research methods at the same time.
  37. Take a class using only common core math.
  38. Vote democrat.
  39. Take the GRE, twice!
  40. Speak only using #hashtags.
  41. Listen to Gary Busey give a motivational speech.
  42. Wear a winter coat in the dead of summer.  In Arizona. No, in Africa.
  43. Find a python in my toilet, suck it out with a plunger, and keep it as a pet (Snake in CA Seeks Water).
  44. Ride the worst wooden roller coaster in the world.
  45. Run for President of the United States of America.
  46. Wear an inflatable sumo costume to a job interview.  Even a funeral.
  47. Adopt a stray cat.
  48. Give birth to twins without any medication.
  49. Re-watch the Seattle Seahawks devastating loss in Superbowl XLIX.
  50. Come up with 50 MORE things I would rather do than support this type of media.
We have been counseled to avoid entertainment "that uses immodest or indecent images to stimulate sexual feelings," (New Era, October 2002).  This would include music, movies, books, etc.  President Gordon B. Hinckley said this about pornography:

"You must no indulge in sleazy talk at school.  You must not tell sultry jokes.  You must not fool around with the Internet to find pornographic material...  You must not rent videos with pornography of any kind.  This salacious stuff simply is not for you.  Stay away from pornography as you would avoid a serious disease.  It is as destructive.  It can become habitual, and those who indulge in it get so that cannot leave it alone.  It is addictive.
"They (producers of pornography) make it as...attractive as they know how.  It seduces and destroys its victims.  It is everywhere.  It is all about us.  I plead with you...not to get involved in its use. You simply cannot afford to."
(Ensign, May 1998, 49)

I just want to close with one more quite; this one comes from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.  In his talk entitled "Place No More for the Enemy of My Soul" (April, 2010), Elder Holland compared pornography to lust.  He explained that lust is the opposite of love and that lust "is anything but godly and celebrates self-indulgence.  Love comes with open hands and open heart; lust comes only with only an open appetite, (Holland, 2010).  Lust and pornography are "characterized by shame and stealth" and both are "pathologically clandestine," (Holland, 2010).

With these descriptions in mind, I want to challenge all to stand up against pornography, like that presented in the book, movie, and music of "Fifty Shades of Grey."  If we can boycott and remove movies from theaters like "American Sniper" and "The Dictator," why not "Fifty Shades of Grey?"  Below is a petition you can sign, helping to fight against this evil.  Please put your name on it if you believe, like I do, that this garbage should not be presented in theaters.  Also, what would your "Fifty Shades of 'NO' or NEVER'" include?

1 comment:

  1. I love this! I love anything with a Monty Python reference or wiping your butt with your own hands. Great post. And I'm so glad I'm not alone! Susannah